(from the movie "Her" - which I recommend! Great film and really makes you think about human connections and what this thing is called love.)
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...is to learn to let people walk out of my life, and to keep them out.
It's always hard, it always hurts. Whether it be a friendship or a relationship, or even a family member that walks away, it's hurtful and extremely difficult to let them go. My entire life, I've been the supporter. I've been the one to try to save the world for everyone, no matter how they've treated me in the process. As I've grown into an adult *WHAT WHO SAID THAT STOP* I've realized that no matter how difficult it may be at first, letting the people go who are no longer contributing anything positive to your life is HEALTHY. It doesn't make it much easier - and it always stings at first, especially if the other person is the one to turn away first. Just knowing that it's what's best for me, though, helps. I saw a quote the other day that said, "I've never lost a friend in my life." Think about that for a moment. No matter the circumstances - whether they choose to leave on their own or you have to give them a little push - those who exit your life aren't meant to be there. Your friends will stay, and you'll be better off. Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. [Buddha] 3 Simple things to do TODAY to be more present 1. Breathe with your entire body.
Do this a couple times throughout the day! Sit or lay in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. Take deep breaths, and as you inhale, imagine the breath starting at your toes and traveling up through your entire body, filling it with life-giving oxygen. As you exhale, imagine the breath traveling back out through your toes, carrying with it tension, stress, and worry. 2. Observe. How often do we move through our day without seeing things around us? I mean really SEEING. Try to make a point of seeing everything you can - flowers blooming, a mother bird bringing food back to her babies, a stranger smiling at a passerby. When we intentionally notice things around us, we tend to realize how many amazing things we encounter in our daily lives that, most of the time, we simply don't see. 3. Smile. Seems silly, right? Nope. Just simple. Smile! Smile at your family members and your friends. Smile at coworkers. Smile at strangers, especially rude ones. Smile at yourself in the mirror!! (Ok, I know that one sounds silly.) Try it, though. Try looking in the mirror and giving yourself a big, GENUINE smile. You'll be amazed at what it does for your soul. Talking to yourself seems so silly, right? Except we ALL do it. Admit it! You do it, too. Sometimes aloud, other times just in our thoughts, we communicate more with ourselves than with anyone else. Here's the thing, though: how much of that communication is positive? Granted, a good bit of it is to-do lists, observations, song lyrics that just... won't... leave us...
BUT how much of it is, what I consider to be, the worst kind of negativity? How much of it is negativity toward YOURSELF? Self-aimed antagonism is something I've ALWAYS struggled with. Everything could be going absolutely fine in my life, but I have always somehow (easily) found something wrong with myself. Most of it has been physical, regarding my appearance - clothes, hair, weight, face, you name it. Part of it, too, has been self doubt in other aspects of my life. School, social life - doesn't matter. I have always, without question, been my own worst critic. Someone I care about once asked me, "What if someone talked to me the way you talk to yourself?" I answered with the obvious "I would kick their butt!" OF COURSE I would be upset if someone spoke to someone I care about in the harsh way I speak to myself. So why is it that it's acceptable for me to degrade myself or knock myself down? The ONE person I have to live with every single day is myself. Shouldn't I be nice to me? I took an Ethics class this past semester and one of our paper assignments was a project about habits. The option I chose was to become aware of the negative thoughts I had toward myself and to immediately change them into positive ones. It was really difficult and eye opening for me. I realized that even though I can consciously choose to not VOICE my self-negativity, the thoughts are still there and just as prominent as ever. As I was talking to my professor about my project, he admitted struggling with the same things throughout his life, and suggested I try using positive affirmations. I'd heard of them, but never put much thought into it. I never really thought talking to myself, repeating some cheeseball phrase, could POSSIBLY help me. However, since my ethics professor is someone I admire a lot, I thought I'd at least look into it. I found some articles on using positive affirmations in your own life, and decided to put some into practice. AND HOLY CRAP THEY WORK. It's still a conscious decision to be kind to myself, and some days are undoubtedly more difficult than others, but changing the way I communicate with myself has been a huge blessing. If we are going to continue on this path of positivity, how can we do it if we doubt ourselves?! Here's a short list of some affirmations I've used, and you are MORE than welcome to use as well, or as inspiration to create your own. My challenge to you is this: for ONE WEEK, repeat a couple positive statements and affirmations to yourself (OUT LOUD). In the mirror, or just before you get out of bed in the morning. Start and end your day with self love and take note of the results. Example Affirmations Affirmations for Health
This is a great post that also features 100 affirmations you can use in your daily life :) *Example Affirmations found in THIS article 100 positive affirmations: http://www.prolificliving.com/100-positive-affirmations/ Morning affirmations: http://www.prolificliving.com/morning-affirmations-before-getting-out-of-bed/ Bedtime affirmations: http://www.prolificliving.com/bedtime-affirmations-for-sleep/ |