Shouldn't we love ourselves, have faith in ourselves, and know that that's enough?
Why do we give other people so much power over our feelings about OURSELVES?
Shouldn't we love ourselves, have faith in ourselves, and know that that's enough?
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(from the movie "Her" - which I recommend! Great film and really makes you think about human connections and what this thing is called love.)
...is to learn to let people walk out of my life, and to keep them out.
It's always hard, it always hurts. Whether it be a friendship or a relationship, or even a family member that walks away, it's hurtful and extremely difficult to let them go. My entire life, I've been the supporter. I've been the one to try to save the world for everyone, no matter how they've treated me in the process. As I've grown into an adult *WHAT WHO SAID THAT STOP* I've realized that no matter how difficult it may be at first, letting the people go who are no longer contributing anything positive to your life is HEALTHY. It doesn't make it much easier - and it always stings at first, especially if the other person is the one to turn away first. Just knowing that it's what's best for me, though, helps. I saw a quote the other day that said, "I've never lost a friend in my life." Think about that for a moment. No matter the circumstances - whether they choose to leave on their own or you have to give them a little push - those who exit your life aren't meant to be there. Your friends will stay, and you'll be better off. Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. [Buddha] 3 Simple things to do TODAY to be more present 1. Breathe with your entire body.
Do this a couple times throughout the day! Sit or lay in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. Take deep breaths, and as you inhale, imagine the breath starting at your toes and traveling up through your entire body, filling it with life-giving oxygen. As you exhale, imagine the breath traveling back out through your toes, carrying with it tension, stress, and worry. 2. Observe. How often do we move through our day without seeing things around us? I mean really SEEING. Try to make a point of seeing everything you can - flowers blooming, a mother bird bringing food back to her babies, a stranger smiling at a passerby. When we intentionally notice things around us, we tend to realize how many amazing things we encounter in our daily lives that, most of the time, we simply don't see. 3. Smile. Seems silly, right? Nope. Just simple. Smile! Smile at your family members and your friends. Smile at coworkers. Smile at strangers, especially rude ones. Smile at yourself in the mirror!! (Ok, I know that one sounds silly.) Try it, though. Try looking in the mirror and giving yourself a big, GENUINE smile. You'll be amazed at what it does for your soul. Talking to yourself seems so silly, right? Except we ALL do it. Admit it! You do it, too. Sometimes aloud, other times just in our thoughts, we communicate more with ourselves than with anyone else. Here's the thing, though: how much of that communication is positive? Granted, a good bit of it is to-do lists, observations, song lyrics that just... won't... leave us...
BUT how much of it is, what I consider to be, the worst kind of negativity? How much of it is negativity toward YOURSELF? Self-aimed antagonism is something I've ALWAYS struggled with. Everything could be going absolutely fine in my life, but I have always somehow (easily) found something wrong with myself. Most of it has been physical, regarding my appearance - clothes, hair, weight, face, you name it. Part of it, too, has been self doubt in other aspects of my life. School, social life - doesn't matter. I have always, without question, been my own worst critic. Someone I care about once asked me, "What if someone talked to me the way you talk to yourself?" I answered with the obvious "I would kick their butt!" OF COURSE I would be upset if someone spoke to someone I care about in the harsh way I speak to myself. So why is it that it's acceptable for me to degrade myself or knock myself down? The ONE person I have to live with every single day is myself. Shouldn't I be nice to me? I took an Ethics class this past semester and one of our paper assignments was a project about habits. The option I chose was to become aware of the negative thoughts I had toward myself and to immediately change them into positive ones. It was really difficult and eye opening for me. I realized that even though I can consciously choose to not VOICE my self-negativity, the thoughts are still there and just as prominent as ever. As I was talking to my professor about my project, he admitted struggling with the same things throughout his life, and suggested I try using positive affirmations. I'd heard of them, but never put much thought into it. I never really thought talking to myself, repeating some cheeseball phrase, could POSSIBLY help me. However, since my ethics professor is someone I admire a lot, I thought I'd at least look into it. I found some articles on using positive affirmations in your own life, and decided to put some into practice. AND HOLY CRAP THEY WORK. It's still a conscious decision to be kind to myself, and some days are undoubtedly more difficult than others, but changing the way I communicate with myself has been a huge blessing. If we are going to continue on this path of positivity, how can we do it if we doubt ourselves?! Here's a short list of some affirmations I've used, and you are MORE than welcome to use as well, or as inspiration to create your own. My challenge to you is this: for ONE WEEK, repeat a couple positive statements and affirmations to yourself (OUT LOUD). In the mirror, or just before you get out of bed in the morning. Start and end your day with self love and take note of the results. Example Affirmations Affirmations for Health
This is a great post that also features 100 affirmations you can use in your daily life :) *Example Affirmations found in THIS article 100 positive affirmations: http://www.prolificliving.com/100-positive-affirmations/ Morning affirmations: http://www.prolificliving.com/morning-affirmations-before-getting-out-of-bed/ Bedtime affirmations: http://www.prolificliving.com/bedtime-affirmations-for-sleep/ I hope that when you count the stars, you begin with yourself.
Do you keep a journal? A diary? A blog?
Because you should. There is article upon article, and study upon study talking about the positive effects that journaling can have on both our mental health, and even our physical health. Writing things down has always helped me. Even to memorize things for school, if I write them down again and again, they stick longer and more clearly. I've kept journals off and on my entire life, sometimes I'll fill a notebook, other times it will be incomplete and I'll get a new one for a fresh start. I doodle, sketch, write poetry... and lay down my thoughts and feelings. See, a piece of paper and a pen can't judge you. A piece of paper and a pen won't argue, ridicule, or tell you what you SHOULD be doing. A piece of paper and a pen will never tell you that you're not good enough. A piece of paper and a pen will simply listen. And when you're finished, and your thoughts, joys, worries, tears, are on that inked up paper, you'll feel better. Your mind will be clearer, and you'll be able to face whatever it is head on! You can totally journal positive things too, ya know. Writing things down can inspire gratitude, it can help you put all your dreams in one place and turn them into more obtainable goals, and it can help you to keep track of your accomplishments. You can look back on your writing and realize that you've gotten through a whole heck-uva-lot and you can feel proud of that. Getting your thoughts out on paper can help you to not say hurtful things out loud, but instead to vent them out to a notebook. It can help you clear your mind so that you're better able to solve problems. It can help you to better understand yourself, and the ways in which you can make your life the best it can be. So if you DON'T journal, I'd really encourage you to start. Don't write for anyone else but you. Thoughts, prayers, problems... write all of it down. See how it makes you feel! Here's a great little article I found on Journaling, and how to start: http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-health-benefits-of-journaling/000721 Blessings, One of the first things we're taught as children *hopefully* is to have manners. "Please" and "thank you" are instilled in us at an early age, especially once we begin socializing and interacting with our teachers, care-givers, and peers.
As we grow older, "Thank you's" might become somewhat of a second nature - thanking our server at a restaurant, thanking someone for a gift. Thing is, our lives are FULL of blessings and gifts that we completely take for granted. Gratitude becomes more of a formality than a sincere appreciation. If you noticed, there is now a "Gratitude" tab on the main menu (up there on the right). There, I'll be keeping a list of things, big and small, that I am thankful for in my daily life. Some things may seem significant, others may seem trivial, but I firmly believe in being grateful for even the smallest of blessings. I may also add in quotes or other things I find about being thankful. I'll post there each day, and hope that you will join me. Comment your gratitude, or keep it in a journal for yourself. I've seen people who have taken a photo each day of something to add to their gratitude list. Whatever works for you. The purpose is to become more mindful of each small blessing you come across. In noticing the smaller blessings, we become more positive thinkers! See if you can, even just for the week, come up with one thing per day that you are thankful for. If you're really feeling up to it, keep a gratitude journal for a month!! OR HEY!? GET CRAZY!!! DO IT FOR A YEAR!!! Then look back every so often at all the amazing things in your life. Remember the day, what happened, and how you felt. Spend some time reliving that moment, breathing in the memory and optimism of it. You won't regret it. Happy New Year! It blows my mind every time a new year comes along, it just doesn't seem possible for time to be moving so quickly. There's something about a new year, though, isn't there? Something hopeful. It just seems fresh. Today is also a New Moon, which just adds to the theme! I mean, let's be honest: how many Facebook or Instagram posts have you seen today along the lines of "New Year, New ME" or "First day of my NEW LIFE?" It's refreshing, somewhat, right? Everyone is ready for a change, and January 1st seems to be just the ticket!!
Only.. maybe it's silly that we put so much stock into changing the calendars... How can the date on the page change our lives? Short answer: It can't. But it can inspire us to change ourselves, and then to change the world around us. Part of our problem, I think, is in our vision. We begin the year with clear vision, albeit sometimes a little champagne-blurred... but it's bright. It's full of resolution, hope, and excitement. Then we live in our world. We live in our life, and someplace along the line, our visions get mucky. We seem to let things pile up (if we don't do the piling ourselves) right in our line of sight, and we get frustrated or simply forget what we saw in the first place. This project is mostly an experiment. For myself, and for those of you who will read along with me and take steps by my side to live a positive, happy life. The first step in living that life, in achieving the things you desire, in following your dreams and being grateful for each day: Focusing your vision. During the holidays, there's so much talk about resolutions and goals, but they seem to be forgotten or given up by the second or third week of the new year. What if, instead of resolutions, we decide to tweak our vision? Instead of setting unrealistic or hollow goals for ourselves, if we change our line of thinking FIRST, positive things will come into our lives. Instead of "I'm going to diet and lose 30 pounds before spring break" how about "I deserve to love the body I'm in, and to feel healthy and alive. Here are the steps I'll take to get there" Instead of "I'm going to do everything I can to get that raise!" what if it was more like "I want to do the best job I possibly can because I hold pride in my job and my rank in the company." If we change our way of thinking about our goals, there is no way positive things won't fill those aspects of our lives, then overflow into all other areas. This project is more than a blog. I want it to be as interactive as possible, and I'd like to reach as many people as I can in the ways that will impact them most. There will be loads and loads of positive reminders, quotes, stories, etc (check the "Snippets" page for some positive quickies!!) There will also be practices of mindfulness, gratitude, and optimism and various ways to achieve them. Here, I hope you'll find food for your mind, body, and soul. I know that it's hard to live every second in an optimistic way, we ALL struggle with it sometimes, and I'm no different. It is absolutely an intentional decision to find the positive pieces of life, especially when they seem to fizzle out under the pressure of the negativity the world seems to so often throw at us. Simply put, I hope that the information and inspiration you find here meets you right WHERE YOU ARE so that you can benefit from it and grow into YOUR happiest YOU. |